Moving

For the first time in ten years, we are moving. It used to be something we (reluctantly) did a lot, but it's our choice this time, and it really IS time. When we moved in ten years ago, it was a pretty perfect situation. It was affordable, safe and located just where we needed it to be. We've really liked it here. I'm not going to go on with a laundry list of complaints, because it's been a comfortable home, and there's been a lot of awesome here. It was the first place I lived that wasn't a chore factory, it was close to a really awesome rec path, close to school, and my neighbors (most have them) have been pretty great. Hell, I even wrote a book here! We were able to have cable for the first time in forever, and we got to experience the joy of having food delivered. I know it sounds like little stuff, but my daughter and I have spent a lot of time in the middle of nowhere, so it was an exciting new experience.

But life moves on. Things that used to matter, don't anymore. Priorities change. And sometimes, life gets so outrageous that you just need to hit the reset button. I'm there. And yeah, I have specific complaints about the area (not the least of which is the aggressive dog that continues to live down the hall, despite multiple complaints and two police reports), but it was time, anyway. So after a particularly nasty encounter with the dog down the hall, I just said to my daughter "Let's move", kind of on a whim. When she came back with "God, yes", I knew it was happening. And what an overwhelming (but exciting) proposition that has been.

I'm not a materialistic person, like, at all. But I have a stupid amount of stuff. There was a time that that gave me a feeling of security, now it just makes me feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of it all. Most of the stuff that I have was somebody else's stuff that was given to me. I could always say no, but the combination of being raised by frugal people and coming from a personal place of scarcity has made it difficult to do that. I am SO over it! I've given away everything that could be of use to somebody, and I've mercilessly tossed and purged anything else that wasn't immediately useful. It's long overdue, and the more I get rid of, the better I feel. It's a tangible representation of what is happening for me psychologically, too. I'm done taking on other peoples' sh**. I won't own it, take it, accept it or take responsibility for it. It isn't mine, and it's gotta go. Even moving; the physical act of moving on, feels absolutely right. What once was has value, has taught me what it needed to teach me, and will always be important in that way, but it's done. Everything is different from now on because it has to be. Old patterns are no longer acceptable. It feels like freedom.

I'm still a bit thrown by the reality of getting our stuff from point A to point B. Financially, the timing is pretty crappy and we really need more muscle, but my daughter and I have done a lot more with a whole lot less. Struggling sucks, but it's made us extremely resourceful and pretty philosophical about it. We've got this, even if we feel like we don't, we do. And our new place is AWESOME. It keeps a lot of what I like about our current home: Proximity to necessities, security, and it's clean, and well-maintained. But we like it's specific attributes even better (flooring, kitchen space, etc.) and it's a much quieter area. That's a biggie for me. It's been tough for me to live in proximity to so many people and so much traffic. In my ideal world, I live in a sturdy little cabin in the woods surrounded by trees and sky and stars. In the real world where I can't afford that, I at least need home to be a haven. I think the new apartment is a step closer to that.

I remain grateful to our current space for holding us so well all these years, I'm grateful for healthy closures and the strength to initiate them and move on. And I'm SO DAMNED EXCITED to see what the next chapter brings!!