The Age of Asparagus

    .....And only an Aquarius would be 'off'' enough to sing it that way. While grocery shopping alone. In public. And I wonder why my daughter doesn't like to go anywhere with me? The poor dog doesn't have any choice. And the sun IS in Aquarius; it is officially my birthday month. When I turned the tragic age of thirty some ten-ish years ago or so, I couldn't even imagine ever looking forward to another birthday again. I threw myself to my bed in a dramatic fashion, called my boyfriend at the time bawling incoherently (sorry Tommy!) about how I've 'amounted to NOTHING...whaaa!!!!' and basicly went all 'drama queen'. I handled forty with dignity and aplomb. Thank God.

    I don't mind birthdays anymore. I actually kind of like them. It's like a whole day, all about me; my own personal holiday. The older I get, the more important that little 'holiday' becomes and I'm blessed with a family that indulges the fantasy. My sister usually takes me out for dinner. The food and the company are always the best and we have a great time (no matter who's 'personal holiday' it is, this is true!). My birthday is a couple of weeks away yet, but as I get closer to fulfilling a monumental personal goal, I remember last year's birthday and how everything was just an idea; an encouraging possibility. Will my book get published in the next couple of weeks? Well, no. But in less than a year I've gone from the rough beginning of a story to a finished manuscript. All that's left to do is for Debbie to help me sound smart with her brilliant editing skills, for my daughter to finish the awesomely-spooky cover art and for me to grow some and submit it.

   I've come to the understanding that I'm probably never going to write some epic masterpiece that gets discussed in classrooms long after I'm gone. In fact, my first little book is a true story of a harrowing haunting experience that I was personally involved in. I like it, and I think other people will too. For me, that is more than enough. The most important part in the whole process for me was taking it on and finishing it. I often get discouraged with things that don't show some immediate result, and I DID get discouraged with this too. The difference here is I kept going. I took a break when I needed it, but I didn't give up on it. Now I'm at the fun part, and I am SO excited! I know now what I can do and it's given me the confidence to keep on doing something I love dearly.

   So even on these discouraging and dark winter mornings, when it takes everything I have to get out of bed; these days when I don't even open my gritty little sleep-puffy eyes until AFTER I've walked the dog and chugged a pot of coffee, I still have this. As long as I have a mind (okay, who am I trying to kid now, eh?) or some approximation thereof, I will have this. Sometimes; more often than not, it's more than enough.