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Sunday, May 4, 2014

Lost and Found

Photo: www.wikipaintings.org
I've had more than a few conversations and circumstances this weekend that reminded me of the past. For the most part, I look back with fondness on my childhood. School was tough (though I did well academically and was treated well by other students) but everything else was pretty great. The older I get and the more familiar I am with the world and people in it, the more grateful I am for such a nurturing and grounded start in life.

One of the cool things about social media has been reconnecting with all those sweet and familiar faces that were such an important part of my youth. Best friends from childhood, people I went to school with and even folks I didn't know all that well but took for granted. I cherish what social media allows in terms of seeing how all these wonderful people have grown up; I love sharing their successes, seeing their children and being a part of their lives even if only in cyberspace. I know some people view it as some twisted sort of competition (I've seen countless memes alluding to that) but I don't. I think we all get to win, and that we are doing just that in our own unique ways. Sometimes I miss those times, the innocence and simplicity, so much it hurts. There have been some really tough days in the not-so-distant past (or more accurately, not-distant-enough past!) when I believed that all my best times were behind me. That all I had to look forward to was struggle, and that all that was good had been taken from me in one way or another. Pretty darned dismal way to think, I know. But when you're mired in what feels like an inescapable muck, it isn't hard to go there. There were days when I felt like somebody had pushed me down a hill and I just couldn't seem to stop falling.

Okay, before I go any further (and bum the hell out of everybody in dramatic fashion) let me first acknowledge that have boat-loads of hope for the future, I am an optimist, an idealist and an unrealistic-as-realist :-) Even so, I could never quite shake the feeling that something valuable had been lost; like some intrinsic piece of me was damaged and gone forever.

But here's the thing: No, it isn't. It's all still there. Just because it isn't happening now, doesn't mean it didn't happen. I know that's probably a big "DUH" but it hasn't felt like one. The truth is, nobody (not even time) has the power to rob me of all the beauty, wonder and joy I've experienced. It's all mine, and its mine forever. Even my scars are mine; they don't require permission, validation or approval to exist. I may have lost things, some of them very meaningful, but the experiences, the love and the connections are untouchable. undeniable, indelible. Knowing that (and I mean knowing) has shored me up and helped me to develop a sense of purpose and strength that I can use to create a future that I'll like very much. Everything that came before is a foundation that I can build the rest of my life upon. All this time I've been looking for solid ground, only to find that I'm standing on it already.

Cool beans :-)

I couldn't resist posting a video of a song that some of us remember fondly! Not my video, but very well done :-)

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